Peer Pressure isn't just for teens

It's hard to believe.

It's not only hard to believe in existence of metaphysical beings, but it's even harder to tell people about it. I find it incredibly ironic that the vast, vast majority of individuals that are atheists or basically evolutionists or just simply question a lot of theological references will go out of their way to argue their point to you or basically mock anyone who is a believer of any religion--especially Christians.

There are a lot of unanswered questions in everyone's life, and I get it--the question mark of where we came from, where we end up, and the journey and decisions we make in life making that possible is something that can be a joke to those who say there's no possible way that God exists because there are so many unknowns. And that is what the crux of all this is--the unknown. If there were evidence to the contrary--real time miracles that can be attributed to God's presence--while there would still be naysayers and people questioning even if God sat down next to them and had a conversation, some of the unknown could at least be cleared up.

But the thing that is hardest for anyone to fully grasp, and a struggle for me as a whole, is faith. Believing in what isn't there. Working a life that is filled with intent on something that you've never seen or will see with your living eyes. Making decisions and sacrifices that are not self-indulgent, but rather selfless based on principles that we take wholeheartedly as The Way.

Difficult doesn't begin to describe it.

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Talking with God

One of the things that I recently completed was called the "Prayer Experience" at our church. This encompassed taking an MP3 player and listening to the different "stages" through out the church, reflecting, thinking, and praying. There were some sections that I felt really moved and thought about the things in my life, and others that didn't affect me so much--which was to be expected. 

As I went through this individual experience, I thought to myself, "When and why do you talk to God?" There was a sermon a while back that discussed prayer and its use, and one of the things that I know I use (and maybe abuse) it for is in times of need. I don't "talk" to God, I pray to him when I need something. Is that wrong? 

Some would say no--that prayer in the first place is a good start--but the feeling that I get is that in order for me to be a true Christian, I need to recognize that talking to God, whether it is daily or at least on a more consistent basis--is what will get me to a better place in my life. I won't lie that even when I have tried to pray when things aren't "desperate", I still find myself asking God to help me with certain things--be it understanding, patience, grace, or other avenues that I feel I need assistance in. I don't think I have ever just called up God to say "Hey big man, I am doing awesome--thanks for everything!" and that be it.


So, the question is--do I rely on prayer as a form for asking for help only or is it because I don't truly feel the blessings that I have to be able to recognize that I should thank God for these things? Am I so "tunnel visioned" that I feel that this world/myself/others are ones that are responsible for the things in my life, or is just being again unaware that I should pray at the best of times?


I think it's a little of both. What I do know is that my pride some times gets the best of me, and that prayer is used as a desperation move--a last resort, a pleading of sorts. Otherwise, I place my problems and my accomplishments squarely on my own shoulders. I know that in order to become one with God that I need to place all of these onto him.



One thing that our pastor challenged us to do is to talk with God every day, whether it be for 5 minutes or just as a check in. I have failed this, because again I am not putting priority on my relationship with God, and sometimes I just plain forget. When do you talk to God? Are you like me and only focus on times of need? Or if you do it at all times, how did you get yourself to the point of being able to recognize that the two way communication with God should be at all times? I would appreciate some insight, because in order for me to start to fully grasp the relationship with God, I know this is a key foundation point. 



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Is it really as simple as pushing reset?

One of the main reasons I decided to start writing about my faith and the struggle within is because of a series we had at our church recently called, "Reset". What the point of this series was really hit home with me--the literal "reset" of the things that you have been taught throughout the years about God, Jesus, the Bible, and other "Christian" things so that we do not become mired in functional fixations and can continue to evolve as Christians.  It was during several of these sermons where I had one of those "V8" moments that while I understood Christians needed to constantly be thinking about the things they believed in, my ideologies weren't even complete enough to really formulate a "reset" on many fronts.

Is it really as simple as pushing reset? I mean, let's face it, as human beings, we are total packages of what we have learned as children and through our experiences growing up. Some people cannot simply shake the "bad" of what they have dealt with, much to the benefit of the psychiatry industry. Other people are able to move on with their lives, start anew, and make a better life for themselves and others around them, regardless of what has happened previously. However, I still truly believe that with the great lengths some people are able to get to, there will always be a shell, a core, a feeling, of the experiences they have had. In other words, we are inevitably written on in Sharpie markers and not necessarily pencils that can be erased. 

So then--what does that have to do with me? Well, considering that much of my life was spent in churches that I didn't want to be in, didn't feel fed by anything, and many times resented the entire idea of church itself, it still makes it a very hard thing to overcome, despite the blessings and "God things" I have experienced in the most recent years of my life. I have felt blessed by having two healthy children, a wife that is my best friend, and having financial security through hard work and great opportunities. 

But there's the rub. 

I still don't feel a "oneness" with God, a joy from within, an acceptance of Jesus being my savior. Do I believe that God exists? Yes. Do I believe that Jesus Christ could be my savior? Yes. Do I think that there are things in this world that can only be explained through divine intervention? Absolutely. But do I also think that science has a pretty good argument for some things? Yep. And do I think that hypocrisy in Christianity sours world views and forms obstacles towards my belief systems--you betcha.

So, therefore, I was able to name my blog with some creative alliteration (Well, I certainly thought so anyway) and some pun work as well; I accept religion, but with exceptions. So does that mean that ultimately I don't accept religion because I put disclaimers on it? Maybe. But I don't deny it either. 

Here we are. Several rambling paragraphs in. I don't expect for this to be something that is easy; it shouldn't be. I truly believe that Christians should understand exactly what their commitment is to God and I think that there shouldn't be such a thing as blind faith. For me, it isn't as simple as pushing reset for the overall conceptualization--but this still has given me the chance to basically reset and start breaking things down, trying to understand myself and the spiritual world around me, with the point of making sense of it all. Impossible you say? Maybe. But at least something to strive for. Yessirree.

I think, therefore I am; at this point, I need to think A LOT so I can be sure what I am. But this is a great start--I feel good about talking about my belief system and publicly discussing my thought processes, my experiences, so that it is something that not only I can reach out to the world to get some perspective, but also to hold myself accountable for this journey. The time is NOW. 

Giddy up.

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Oh...my...God...

This is not a blog about asking for help. It's not something that I am doing because I want for atheists to talk me down or convince me there is no God; likewise, it's not for Christians to try and sway my ideologies and use it as a forum to promote their own beliefs. 

This is a blog that I am doing because I need to. I need to express my innermost thoughts about the walk of faith that I have teetered on for what seems like eternity. It is a basis for me to talk about my feelings about my life, my family, my friends, and the spiritual journey that goes along with it, sometimes with praise, sometimes with disdain. 

It should be a raw examination of my fluctuating soul's path. Does this mean my posts and thoughts will always be pretty? Nope. Does it mean that it will reach the darkest reaches of my mind? Nope. But I will try with all of my might to be honest with myself, honest with my feelings, and to do it in a way that others who may be struggling with the idea of faith and their spiritual experience can understand that they are not the only one out there who questions, rejoices, condemns, and who thinks and rethinks common and not-so-common practices within Christianity.


What's the goal of this then? Ultimately, is to form a true belief structure: to define my life. To find out in my own experience if Jesus Christ is something that I can take that enormous leap of faith towards and live my life in the way that I believe he has entrusted to do. I would love to say that this will certainly have a happy ending and my joy will be found in the Holy Spirit; but I would be a fool to blindly say that it will--it has been a struggle for me and probably will be for a while. 


Please join me in my journey. I look forward to discussing things with each and every one of you. Thanks for reading. 





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