Is it really as simple as pushing reset?

One of the main reasons I decided to start writing about my faith and the struggle within is because of a series we had at our church recently called, "Reset". What the point of this series was really hit home with me--the literal "reset" of the things that you have been taught throughout the years about God, Jesus, the Bible, and other "Christian" things so that we do not become mired in functional fixations and can continue to evolve as Christians.  It was during several of these sermons where I had one of those "V8" moments that while I understood Christians needed to constantly be thinking about the things they believed in, my ideologies weren't even complete enough to really formulate a "reset" on many fronts.

Is it really as simple as pushing reset? I mean, let's face it, as human beings, we are total packages of what we have learned as children and through our experiences growing up. Some people cannot simply shake the "bad" of what they have dealt with, much to the benefit of the psychiatry industry. Other people are able to move on with their lives, start anew, and make a better life for themselves and others around them, regardless of what has happened previously. However, I still truly believe that with the great lengths some people are able to get to, there will always be a shell, a core, a feeling, of the experiences they have had. In other words, we are inevitably written on in Sharpie markers and not necessarily pencils that can be erased. 

So then--what does that have to do with me? Well, considering that much of my life was spent in churches that I didn't want to be in, didn't feel fed by anything, and many times resented the entire idea of church itself, it still makes it a very hard thing to overcome, despite the blessings and "God things" I have experienced in the most recent years of my life. I have felt blessed by having two healthy children, a wife that is my best friend, and having financial security through hard work and great opportunities. 

But there's the rub. 

I still don't feel a "oneness" with God, a joy from within, an acceptance of Jesus being my savior. Do I believe that God exists? Yes. Do I believe that Jesus Christ could be my savior? Yes. Do I think that there are things in this world that can only be explained through divine intervention? Absolutely. But do I also think that science has a pretty good argument for some things? Yep. And do I think that hypocrisy in Christianity sours world views and forms obstacles towards my belief systems--you betcha.

So, therefore, I was able to name my blog with some creative alliteration (Well, I certainly thought so anyway) and some pun work as well; I accept religion, but with exceptions. So does that mean that ultimately I don't accept religion because I put disclaimers on it? Maybe. But I don't deny it either. 

Here we are. Several rambling paragraphs in. I don't expect for this to be something that is easy; it shouldn't be. I truly believe that Christians should understand exactly what their commitment is to God and I think that there shouldn't be such a thing as blind faith. For me, it isn't as simple as pushing reset for the overall conceptualization--but this still has given me the chance to basically reset and start breaking things down, trying to understand myself and the spiritual world around me, with the point of making sense of it all. Impossible you say? Maybe. But at least something to strive for. Yessirree.

I think, therefore I am; at this point, I need to think A LOT so I can be sure what I am. But this is a great start--I feel good about talking about my belief system and publicly discussing my thought processes, my experiences, so that it is something that not only I can reach out to the world to get some perspective, but also to hold myself accountable for this journey. The time is NOW. 

Giddy up.