It's no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy...

Remember that rockin' song? Well I certainly do...and it SO holds true for me. I AM my own worst enemy. I allow for anger and resentment to creep in...for callousness and bitterness to mount up. And I realize that by allowing that power over my life, I'll never get to where I need to be in my quest of faith.

The hardest thing...is that it is SO easy to allow it to happen.

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Talking with God

One of the things that I recently completed was called the "Prayer Experience" at our church. This encompassed taking an MP3 player and listening to the different "stages" through out the church, reflecting, thinking, and praying. There were some sections that I felt really moved and thought about the things in my life, and others that didn't affect me so much--which was to be expected. 

As I went through this individual experience, I thought to myself, "When and why do you talk to God?" There was a sermon a while back that discussed prayer and its use, and one of the things that I know I use (and maybe abuse) it for is in times of need. I don't "talk" to God, I pray to him when I need something. Is that wrong? 

Some would say no--that prayer in the first place is a good start--but the feeling that I get is that in order for me to be a true Christian, I need to recognize that talking to God, whether it is daily or at least on a more consistent basis--is what will get me to a better place in my life. I won't lie that even when I have tried to pray when things aren't "desperate", I still find myself asking God to help me with certain things--be it understanding, patience, grace, or other avenues that I feel I need assistance in. I don't think I have ever just called up God to say "Hey big man, I am doing awesome--thanks for everything!" and that be it.


So, the question is--do I rely on prayer as a form for asking for help only or is it because I don't truly feel the blessings that I have to be able to recognize that I should thank God for these things? Am I so "tunnel visioned" that I feel that this world/myself/others are ones that are responsible for the things in my life, or is just being again unaware that I should pray at the best of times?


I think it's a little of both. What I do know is that my pride some times gets the best of me, and that prayer is used as a desperation move--a last resort, a pleading of sorts. Otherwise, I place my problems and my accomplishments squarely on my own shoulders. I know that in order to become one with God that I need to place all of these onto him.



One thing that our pastor challenged us to do is to talk with God every day, whether it be for 5 minutes or just as a check in. I have failed this, because again I am not putting priority on my relationship with God, and sometimes I just plain forget. When do you talk to God? Are you like me and only focus on times of need? Or if you do it at all times, how did you get yourself to the point of being able to recognize that the two way communication with God should be at all times? I would appreciate some insight, because in order for me to start to fully grasp the relationship with God, I know this is a key foundation point. 



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